i ask thee to get me through this night
i ask that i may spare myself to see another sun rise
and not give up all hope
It’s odd, but since I started my blog I have come into contact with a lot of pastor types and really enjoy reading about their families and the close bonds they tie with their communities.
As a drug abusing, tequila swigging leather man faggot of note, I never did all those things, but find that I have a longing for it now.
Strange, my blog started as a therapy for depression, suicidal tendencies and a way of dealing with aids, but has become a war cry for the battle against evil. I feel an urgency to spread the Love of Christ and help people to unite the fight against evil.
I don’t know yet what the Lord wants’ from me, but there is something. On Monday I start a new job with a company that has strong Christian ethics, I’ve been thinking of making contact with the church I used to attend – I suppose having been diagnosed with two terminal illnesses makes one more aware spiritually.
Tomorrow I have to go back to the clinic to have a biopsy performed on a lesion on my head – it may very well be death sentence number three, cancer!
Sorry, I am just chatting away here and it may not be making much sense. Truth is I’m doing it because I am concerned about tomorrow and I really hope they can do something about the constant pain I’ve been in for the past two weeks.
My resolve has been low.
I sobbed and told a friend the other day that I wish I’d gone ahead with my death plans on New Years Eve.
I even manage to get my shrink to cry sometimes – how sad is my life?
Please forgive me this entry, but at the same time, feel privileged that you got to read it – know I’ll delete it in the morning when I feel better.
I cant say anything that might make you feel better but just imagine a puny person with fist held tightly in the stands of a Soccer Match rooting for her Team. So I say “Fighting”.